


Her Eyes Once Wandered the Universe

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, Lance is a Big Brother, Pidge Angst, Pidge Whump, Pidge cries, Rape/Non-con - Freeform, i love pidge, lance cries, pidge centric, pidge tortured
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:28:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23390203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Pidge and Lance back in the old days were the  crazy, unpredictable duo. Pulling pranks left and right, and overall not having a care in the world. When a mission to central command goes awry, Team Voltron is left thinking their beloved green paladin is dead- but the truth is much, much worse.A year later the paladins will reunite with Pidge, but she is no longer the bright girl who’s eyes eagerly wondered the universe.Her eyes were blank and emotionless.
Relationships: Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt
Comments: 14
Kudos: 72





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So this is my first time writing anything rated M so please bear with me! I really want a fic that shows everyone cares about Pidge and just shows her struggles so here we are!

“Pidge, Lance! Get back here!” Angrily shouted Keith. The duo shared an evil glance before giggling.

“Come on, Keith! Live a little!” Lance taunted, carefully peering around the corner where a very annoyed Keith stood.

Keith had been training (again) so Pidge had the genius idea to swap out his water bottle for a large dose of nunvil. The two watched as the raven haired boy spat out the purple liquid, and promptly threw the bottle into the middle of the room.

Though, it was funny while it lasted. 

“Paladins! Report to the bridge in full uniform,” Allura called over the castle’s comm system. Pidge and Lance shared yet another look before running to their respective armor suitors.

After Allura discovered many of the paladins had difficult placing on their armor by themselves, and removing it, Allura recovered some machines that aided the wounded in removing their armor without harming them further. 

They emerged in full armor, racing towards the bridge. Once they arrived, the only one who was not there at the moment was Hunk- who burst in moments later mumbling a string of apologies. 

“I’ve called you here because the Galra’s Command Ship is in the same quadrant we are currently residing in. Our messages from nearby planets have informed us that Zarkon was seen leaving command a few quintants ago. With him gone, we have a stronger capability of raiding Central Command and obtaining important information,” the princess explained.

“So get in, grab some into, woosh out?” Lance summarized.

“Sounds about right,” Confirmed Shiro.

Lance nudged Pidge with a growing smile on his face: one that meant “hey dude look it’s a chance to find some intel on your family and kick galra ass!” 

The paladins set off for their lions after receiving some brief warnings about looking out for druids. Pidge entered Green and felt a rumble of comfort as she took her place behind the control panel. With an exhale, the beast powered on and exited the castle.

The other four lions soon joined her. She turned on Green’s cloaking and headed for a bay on the west side of the ship, which Allura described as nearly abandoned.

Pidge docked Green and exited, ensuring the cloak remained to keep the lion hidden from the thirsty hands of the Galra. Blue docked next to Green shortly after, and Lance exited.

The plan was for Pidge and Lance to enter central command while Hunk and Keith kept lookout. Shiro was at a post in the castle so Pidge could immediately send information without the worry of being trapped while the data downloads.

Green was hidden while Blue wasn’t to ensure that if the Galra caught on, they’d assume only one lion was taken and left Green open if they needed a quick escape.

They had planned everything to go so right- but things could go so wrong. 

. . . . . .

“Druids, it appears we’ve been breached,” a raspy voice echoed in the darkness. “I want a clone of the green one, does not require life simply a body,” she continued.

“Yes, High Priestess,” another druid chimed. The druids formed a circle and began incanting a a spell. The light from the dim light vanished, and in seconds the limp form of the green paladin appeared.

But it wasn’t the green paladin.

. . . . . . 

“Lance stand guard, I’m heading into the central data center,” Pidge ordered, dashing into the room. Within seconds, five galra men quivered and twitched with electricity pumping through their veins.

They could be dead, Pidge did not care. 

She hacked into the database and began sending as many files to the castle as possible.

“Pidge, why do they call it a building if it’s already built?” Lance called with boredom from the doorway.

“Shut up Lance, this is a time to be serious. It’s been months since we became paladins, you should know this by now,” Pidge hissed.

“Pidge-“ Lance called with concern in his tone.

“Lance! I said to shut up!” Pidge hollered, transferring a prisoner file to Shiro. 

“Pidge! They sent reinforcements!” He called once again. This time, she turned around and her world went black. 

. . . . . .

Pidge awoke in a dark room that matched when she opened and closed the eyes. She wanted to make a sour remark to Lance about how Galra interior decor was so dark and gloomy, but he wasn’t there.

Her heart dropped realizing the last words she said to him were angry and rather hurtful.

Where was Lance? Where was her family? Why was she always the one who lost those close to her.

She felt the hole deepen when a druid entered the darkness, hand glowing with purple lightning. The druid stood and she felt the cold stare over her body, even though the mask hid the creature’s face away.

“Oh, paladin. Your team is not coming for you,” the druid sneered.

What the fuck have they done.

. . . . . .

It went by so quickly. Lance’s laser rifle smoked as the dust in the data center rose and fell. The druids and sentries had entered the room, and Lance had tried to warn Pidge.

But his façade of some silly teen got in the way and now he couldn’t see her though the purple mist. Many sentries lay dead at his feet and he prayed Pidge had hidden or gotten out of the room safely.

After a few doboshes, the mist cleared and Lance’s heart shattered as it fell onto the ground. 

Before him lay a limp body with a matt of honey hair tangled in a bleeding mess. A large portion of the dashboard impaled the right side of her chest.

It was a thick, sharp, piece of metal. There was no way she was alive.

Ignoring the facts, Lance held onto the small hope she was alive and checked for a pulse. He wanted to pull away at the touch of the cold skin but forced himself to wait another tick for a pulse.

A dobosh passed, nothing.

Lance did not want to give up.

Another dobosh passed, and the Cuban began to lose hope.

Perhaps he was just doing it wrong? The duo would laugh over Lance’s terrible knowledge of health and she would punch him in the shoulder.

Everything would be okay- everything had to be okay.

He didn’t know what else he was capable of handling.

Lance placed a hand beside the protruding metal to see if he could feel a heart bear.

There was no rhythm, no pounding against his palm.

“No..” he spoke aloud, voice hitching. 

“Lance? What happened,” Hunk asked over the comms. The blue paladin forgot the two could hear them over the comm link.

“Coran, get a healing pod ready. Now, Pidge is hurt and needs medical attention,” he demanded, picking up her small, cold, and limp form.

He was not giving up on her, not yet, not ever. He carried her down the hallways, gun pointed and ready to shoot anything that further threatened her.

He entered Blue and left, chasing for the castle as if he was in a race against the final second until exams were due. 

He didn’t care to ensure Blue was docked correctly. He took Pidge and brought her to one of the beds in the med bay to remove the piece of metal impaling her.

Allura froze and eyed Coran as the two solemnly made their way towards the limp body laying peacefully on the cot.

Coran placed his fingers against her wrist, and then neck.

“Lance, she’s not there. There’s nothing to heal because her body isn’t able to even close her wounds,” Allura began.

“No, no, this is fine, she’ll be fine- she has to be! Allura, do something! You healed a dying planet, why can’t you heal her!”

“Lance, the Balmera still had some life in it. Pidge... Pidge is gone,” she exhaled, tears spilling down her own coffee skin.

Lance broke, bending over his friends and sobbed. Doboshes later Hunk and Keith burst into the med bay, confused as to why their teammate had yet to be placed in a pod.

That was until they saw Coran enter with an Altean quilt.

An Altean quilt laid over the dead. 

. . . . . .

“Green Paladin,” the woman with the raspy voice hummed, causing shivers to wrack down the young girl’s spine. “You now serve the Galra empire,” she mused.

“I will NEVER work for spicy, angry, purple, space chinchillas like you!” Pidge hissed, spitting on the floor to add effect. Haggar did not like this, no. 

The witch’s hands began to glow with a deep purple, signaling to Pidge she was preparing to punish Pidge for her angered comment. Blood already trickled down her chin from the several head injuries she’d been given from continuously waking up while the druids brought her to a different part of Central Command.

Haggar smirked as the energy she had accumulated shot towards Pidge, pinning her against the cold metal walls. Pidge couldn’t help but shriek at the sudden impact.

Haggar squeezed her hand and Pidge felt her throat tighten- and soon she couldn’t breathe. 

Her legs kicked against the wall to no avail- she just needed air.

Choruses of “let me down, let me down!” echoed throughout Pidge’s subconsciousness, but Haggar did not let go until Pidge’s eyes rolled back and she collapsed.

“Oh Paladin, I hope you learn your place or your time here will be much worse than either of us wish,” the High Priestess chuckled.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haggar attempts to break Pidge’s spirit to no avail. 
> 
> Lance and Hunk try to cope with the loss of their friend.
> 
> Haggar has a plan.

Pidge awoke, the thundering at the back of her head refusing the stop for even a split second. It has been a quintant or so since her capture, and god- she prayed Haggar had lied.

She prayed that her team was trying to find her somewhere. She needed the comfort of knowing she wasn’t alone.

But the emptiness surrounding her suggested otherwise. She would have heard of their rescue attempt- or she’s have been rescued by now if they had even tried.

So something had to be preventing them. She knew how stubborn Lance was, even if it often brought them into uncomfortable, and occasionally dangerous situations.

Pidge knew how kindhearted Hunk was, and how he would never stop supporting the others as they planned to save her.

She understood it had only been about a day in earth terms, but they knew where she was. And Allura confirmed it herself- Zarkon was not even here so the dangers lessened significantly.

The only thing truly holding anybody back was the disheveled woman who bore a long purple cloak; High Priestess Haggar.

“Green Paladin, I believe it is time for questioning,” the devil herself spoke, alerting Pidge’s already swimming head something was about to go down. “I hope you are prepared,” 

Pidge couldn’t help but shudder as Haggar used her magic to bend the metal chains bolted to the ground of the metallic cell.

The second Pidge felt the chains around her wrists slacken, she made a run for it. Her small frame scuttled beneath the witch’s outstretched arm, and dashed down the long hallway.

Central Command was like a maze, so her only objective at the moment was to find the west hangar and escape before anything could happen to her or Green.

She desperately needed clearance that her team was okay and unharmed.

She turned a corner before being met with a dead end. She mentally cursed and turned around, only to see Haggar and two druids standing at her sides.

“I only had few plans for our evening but it appears you must learn your lesson further,” Haggar mused, pointing a bony finger towards Pidge.

Without warning, a gust of purple lightning wrapped itself around Pidge’s neck lifting her from the ground once again. Pidge smelt the burn as it singed the delicate skin of her neck.

Pidge could not help but scream in agony at this pain- and it seemed to be what Haggar had wanted.

With a grunt, Haggar lowered her finger, dropping the limp and twitching girl to the cold ground. The chains tightened and Pidge was forcefully dragged down the opposite hall- in a direction that she could only hope that she was capable of escaping from.

They had entered a large room that was full of tables, boards, and so many little gadgets and levers.

Pidge’s heart dropped as she realized where she was. Central Command’s torture chamber. 

. . . . . .

“Hey buddy, you okay?” Hunk kindly asked, placing a warm hand on Lance’s lanky shoulder. The boy flinched before turning around.

Red rimmed his ocean eyes, and Hunk could tell that the Cuban had struggled to even sleep a wink the past night.

Hunk couldn’t blame him- Lance and Pidge were undoubtedly one of the closest friends on the team, Hunk had been heartbroken the second he entered that med bay and saw Lance desperately screaming for somebody to simply help her.

But there had been nothing any of them could do at that point. Voltron had lost the Green Paladin, and a piece of their hearts.

“Lance, I know it’s going to be hard. If you want, Pidge recorded messages for all of us back when we nearly lost Keith and she knew that there was a chance she would die in this war,” Hunk continued.

“She.. did?” Lance’s voice broke. The ocean eyes could not help but flood with tears, raining down his warm chocolate skin.

“Yeah man, she did. Do you want to see the one she addressed to you..?” Hunk asked.

Lance sniffed and hugged his friend, and Hunk simply patted his back and squeezed. A signal that “it’s going to be okay, just hold on to me”

Hunk led Lance out of his room and they walked towards the lounge. A quintant ago, everyone would have been playing ridiculous games and laughing over the dumbest jokes. But it was empty, and quiet.

In all honesty, Hunk never did like the quiet.

Lance sat on the couch, and Hunk pulled down the projector. He opened a laptop- Pidge’s laptop, and quickly typed in what he assumed was her password.

A few ticks later there was an image of Pidge on the screen with the iconic “play” button in the center. Hunk clicked it and sat beside the Cuban boy.

“Hey Lance,” the video began. Lance noticed how she was not wearing her usual hoodie and shorts- but a yellow sundress that he guessed she borrowed from Allura. “If you’re watching this, Hunk either broke into my laptop while I was out to get blackmail material, or I’m gone,” 

Lance choked back another wave of sobs. He had to be strong for all of the team- he needed to do it for her or Pidge’s ghost would come back and punch him so hard in the nuts Lance wasn’t even sure they’d still work.

“So.. I guess I’m gone. Free real estate, huh? Well, I guess you’re probably a mess- crying a whole lot,” she smirked. “But Lance, for the love of all fucks, don’t cry. You have Hunk, and you gotta still prank Keith and Shiro,” 

Lance let a tear slip past the wall he had built up, but the pressure against his beating heart didn’t dissipate.

“Lance, my dude. Keep going strong. If you can’t do it for me, do it for yourself and your own well being. You’re so important, okay?” 

Lance could not help but begin to sob at that crooked grin he grew to love.

“Dare I say that I love you, man. Like you’re my brother away from home. Thank you, so much for existing,” she finished.

Lance broke down.

. . . . . .

Pidge’s heart dropped as she realized where she was. Central Command’s torture chamber. 

She immediately began fighting against the restraints she was bound in, but the shackles grew tighter to the point she knew her hands would lose circulation if she struggled further.

She was hoisted onto a diagonal board, her head laying at the lower point. Her wrists her removed from the handcuffs and shackled down to the wooden plank. Restraints were then tied around her ankles, stomach, and neck.

There was no way she’d be able to escape from whatever Haggar had in mind. 

A hand was forced over her mouth, and she let our a muffled shriek at the sudden impact. A black cloth was then tied around her head, and the world was dark.

For a second she felt at peace. Aside from the restraints she felt no pain or harm, and she couldn’t hear anything that signified there were other presences in the room with her.

But like any peace she’d ever witnessed, it was only temporary. There was a rush of frigid cold as water was poured over the cloth. Pidge held her breath, waiting for the endless waterfall to end- but what felt like doboshes later, it hadn’t.

Her body forced in a breath, and suddenly all she could taste was the rancid and vile flavor of what she guessed was the water given to Galran slaves. 

Her body began to twitch with the need for oxygen, the necessity that this vile substance was denying her. She continued to spasm until the pounding rainfall ended and the cloth was lifted from her face.

“Good. Now, tell us where the Castle of Lion’s current whereabouts are,” Haggar demanded.

In response, Pidge coughed and glared daggars. Haggar understood the message, and wrapped the cloth over her face once again.

The waterfall cascaded once more, and this time Pidge could feel the welcoming embrace of death pulling at her weakening body.

The water ended, and her restraints were removed. The druids pulled her off of the board, and dragged her to a metal-like cot. She was again restrained down- and at this point she felt so weak to the point she couldn’t even think clearly.

She felt like her brain was swimming in the water that was just forced into her body.

Three lightbulbs hung from the bed frame, about six inches from her chest. Pidge could not spot or note anything out of the ordinary aside from these bulbs, and came to the conclusion they were for scare.

“I ask of you to share the Blue Paladin’s greatest weakness,” Haggar questioned. Pidge‘s eyes widened and her small frame froze. “If you do not wish to answer, I have no choice but to begin the torture,” the priestess warned.

Pidge hissed and Haggar flipped a switch, raising the cot until the bulbs were just millimeters away from her stomach, chest, and throat.

With no warning, they turned on. And unlike any normal light bulb, they began to electrocute the honey-eyed girl. She screamed as her body unwillingly spasmed and twitched, her breath hitching with each flare of electricity pulsing through her body.

The machine turned off and Haggar looked at her, presuming Pidge knew the answers she sought. Of course, Pidge knew what Lance’s biggest weakness was. But there was no way she would share.

Haggar caught on, and the machine turned on once more. This time, Haggar walked away and left Pidge in her twitching, spasming state. It was growing more difficult to breathe, and with each scream Pidge’s throat grew more, and more raw.

She didn’t know how much of this torture she could take.

Another druid stopped the machine, but Pidge felt herself losing to her subconscious.

And so she slipped into the comfort of a painless sleep.

. . . . . .

“Sire,” Haggar rasped. She bowed to the large screen that previewed the emperor in all of his infamous glory. He looked her over with his cold, yellow, eyes.

“What is it, Haggar,” he boomed. His high priestess stood and looked him in the eyes.

“We have captured the Green Paladin, but our torture techniques have not shown any progress in tearing away the motivation that moves her to hide away the information we seem,” she spoke.

“I see. What of it?” Zarkon questioned.

“I ask for your permission to sentence her to be a slave for one of our highest ranking commanders. I ask for you to select who you believe shall be the best fit for getting her into shape,” she continued, proceeding to bow.

“Commander Darox seems like a good fit. Do not disappoint, High Priestess. Vrepit Sa,” he replied.

“Vrepit Sa,” Haggar echoed, and the comm screen went dark.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haggar summons Commander Darox and instructs him to break down Pidge’s walls to t the information they need.
> 
> The Paladins have a funeral.
> 
> Pidge wishes that she never went to space.

Commander Darox had arrived at the High Priestess’ personal wing after he had received word she had something for him. 

The commander’s posture was stiff and formal as he entered the room. Banners embroidered with the Galra symbol lined the walls. 

He stood in the center of the room before the hooded figure. She pulled down her hood to reveal the sharp, blue cheekbones- red markings scratching from beneath her eyes to her chin.

“Commander Darox,” she rumbled, gazing to the side of the room. Two druids came in, dragging a small being who’s kicks and bite radius were progressively becoming more dangerous.

“What exactly do you expect me to do with it,” Darox replied in a monotone voice. The small girl cocked her head and had a look of pure hatred burning in her eyes.

“I am NOT a motherfucking IT you god damn, nasty ass, dickwa-“ she was cut off by a strangled scream. As a druid slowly pulled a twisted blade out of where they had just impaled her leg.

“She is a former paladin of Voltron,” Haggar began. Pidge’s eyes widened at the word ‘former’, but in the state she was currently in she did not want to find out what second strike was. “But her ego is much too high. We require someone to teach her submission and obedience so we may get the answers we require,” 

A druid wrapped their cold hand around Pidge’s mouth the prevent her from saying anything more. She opened her mouth to bite the druid’s fingers, but stopped as she felt the blade digging behind her shoulder.

“I understand, High Priestess. What are my limitations?” Commander Darox questioned, stroking the purple fur that grew on his chin.

“No, Commander. All you must ensure is her life. You may do whatever you please and enforce any punishment you see fit for misbehavior. We are counting on you to change her mindset and get us the information we need. Vrepit sa,” Haggar finished.

“I understand,” Commander Darox nodded. The druids handed him the chain that connected to Pidge’s shackles, and disappeared into the shadows. 

All that was left was the two of them.

“Stand,” the Galran Commander ordered, pulling harshly on the chain. 

“No,” Pidge spat, pulling back on the chain. To no surprise, it didn’t even affect the soldier.

He grunted and pulled out a stick from a compartment in his armor. With the click of a button, it unfolded into a stun rod. Pidge felt the phantom pain spreading throughout her chest and promptly stood, hating that she was obeying orders of the species she hated.

“Good girl,” the commander mused, sending an unsettling chill down Pidge’s spine. She felt the need to wrap her arms around herself so tightly that nobody could hurt her- but she also knew that was irrational and impossible with the restraints.

He led her down a multitude of corridors, stopping to place his hand over a sensor. It buzzed and opened a door. He pulled her inside. The room had a large bed as the centerpiece. It was purple with black and white accents. Deep scarlet pillows framed the edges, and four posts- one at each corner rose brilliantly over the room. layers of white and purple fabric spilled from the top of the canopy, pulling the look together.

Metal bookcases and dressers lined the walls, with swords and other miscellaneous weapons proudly placed along the wall. 

Upon entering there was another door just a few feet into the room and to the right. The soldier opened the door and shoved Pidge inside, locking it behind him.

Just as the lock clicked, he muttered four words that amplified the goosebumps running along Pidge’s back.

“I will break you,” 

. . . . . .

Lance exhaled as he stood alongside Hunk. All of the male paladins wore suits respectfully representing the lion they pilot. Each suit was accompanied with a green flower, courtesy of Olkarion’s love for the late Green Paladin. 

The planet had offered to give a peaceful final resting place for the girl’s body- and knowing how much she loved the Olkari, they accepted.

The Olkari had created a beautiful memorial. Pidge stood in her paladin uniform, aiming her bayard towards a large cube looming overhead. Vines surrounded her and enveloped the cube.

It was a symbol of her bravery and courage, how much she was willing to give.

And god, Lance wished she could have been selfish- or that he could nave picked any other night to do a “boys night out”

Perhaps if Lance never even mentioned the roof to Pidge in the first place she wouldn’t be here.

Maybe her death was has fault, and he had to just live with that. Live with the thought that his friend’s death was caused by his spontaneous love for adventure.

Why couldn’t have he payed the price instead of Pidge.

He took in a deep breath this time, struggling to hold himself together. Her words echoed through his mind- “Do it for me. And if you can’t, do it for yourself,”

He had to be strong for all of them, and that meant pulling through until the funeral ceremony was over. 

Hunk gently nudged him and he zoned back in- giving Hunk a questioning gaze.

“Since you were the last to see her alive, do you want to give a speech in her honor,” Hunk whispered in his ear. 

Lance felt that familiar pang of sadness, but he accepted the offer. He walked up to the podium and coughed to grab any attention that was not already on him.

“So, Pidge. Green Paladin and super hero, fun stuff like that,” Lance chuckled. “She was such a prankster too- we would fill the shampoo bottles at the castle with nunvil to make the others’ hair smell horrible and grow really fast- and replace water with it when we had the chance,” 

The crowd laughed with the jovial story, and Lance’s eyes sparkled with a small amount of hope. Her memory would live on, just by how many people adored her alone.

“Pidge- she was so smart. I could never understand what she was rambling about but I’d always listen. She was such an amazing friend,” he sighed. “In her last moments I had asked her- ‘Why do they call buildings, buildings if they’re already built?’, and she told me to shut up,”

There was no reaction.

“Maybe if I did she’s still be here, but nobody can change the past or bring back the dead. What’s done is done and I have to live with that,” he solemnly said. “I honestly don’t even know what to say here- so I’m just going to end this speech by saying that nobody can ever replace her. Green may pick someone else, but Pidge will always be the Green Paladin,” 

There were a few claps and he could have sworn he saw a tear slip down Keith’s face. He stepped off of the podium and regained his composure alongside Hunk.

“You did great, man,” Hunk sobbed, wrapping his arms around Lance’s waist. It didn’t take long for the rest of the team to join into the group hug, all of them in tears as well.

. . . . . . 

Pidge took note of the room she was carelessly thrown into. It stunk of a stale, moldy scent and blood was recklessly smeared against the walls and floor. 

The chains around her wrist were tight, and she had barely any space to move her wrists without chafing. The scent was very strong, and she felt it overwhelm her senses.

It was disgusting.

She found a corner that was cleaner than the rest, and sat down on it. The cot was covered in blood and other substances she wasn’t even sure that it was human or something far more vile. 

The lock clicked and her neck snapped in the direction of the door. Darox entered and she took the chance to try and run for the window of opportunity.

As she slipped under his tall frame, she entered the bedroom and noticed the door was password protected.

She had no time to crack it before the Galran grabbed her by the waist and pinned her down on the cold, dirty ground of the room. 

“Now, that is not proper behavior,” he grinned mischievously. “Such behavior deserves punishment,” 

Her body froze and suddenly she felt a wave of anger wash over her. She fought aggressively to get the larger man’s hand off of her but it was no use, he was far too strong.

“I cannot see how a weak and small being like you could have possibly been the Green Paladin,” he wondered aloud. “I wonder how much it’ll take to teach you to respect the Galra,”

Without a second thought, he began unclasping her arm and leg armor, carelessly tossing it to the side of the dim room. He dragged his sharp claws down her chest, ripping open the flight suit. Once the rip was to his satisfaction, he peeled it midway down her thighs and licked his lips.

Pidge whimpered- she did not like where this was going at all. 

“First lesson, you are to address me as Commander, and nothing else. Understood?” He spoke.

“No, dickwad,” she spat, kneeing him in his pelvic area. He didn’t even flinch at the motion. What scared Pidge the most is that whatever she hit was rock hard.

He disliked her answer, she knew he would. Why did she have to answer with a snarky comment-

Her thoughts were interrupted as his hand was lifted from where he pinned her, and she began to get up. He noticed and stomped on her foot.

She screamed as soon as she felt the snap and undeniable pain that her foot was broken. 

He removed his pants and tossed them aside. Pidge began to struggle even harder underneath his foot- she needed to get out of here as quickly as possible. He ignored her attempts and tossed her aggressively onto the cot, ignoring how she screamed again at the movement of her foot. 

“What do you say?” He taunted, stroking the already erect member. Pidge whimpered again, turning her gaze away.

“F-fuck you,” she hissed in pure anger. Her feeble attempt once again produced no reaction. 

Her legs were lifted and placed in two shackles, and a harness lifted her to be closer to his height.

She was suspended in air with no way of escape.

There was no way to avoid what was coming her way. 

He pushed all the way in, and Pidge couldn’t help but release a pained scream at the pain. She felt like her insides were being torn apart.

“You’e bone dry, we must fix that,” Darox mused. And if he wasn’t already deep, he aggressively thrusted, and somehow pushed deeper every time. Pidge hated how much this creep was enjoy himself.

She struggled against the restraints, biting her tongue every time her foot jostled. She needed to get our of this.

His sharp claws began scratching her inner thighs and she screamed again, causing the man to cackle.

He pushed even deeper than she had felt him go before, and she felt a pop as so much liquid spilled into her. She hated it so much.

He pulled out and watched wish satisfaction as a white slime dripped from where he had just exited, while Pidge shook quivered with fear written all over her face.

“So, what do you say to me?” He asked again.

“C-commander,” Pidge stuttered, tears spilling from her eyes.

“Very good,” he smiled, placing himself inside her once again. He aggressively thrusted once more and Pidge continuously screamed through it all.

It hurt so badly, and she just wished it would end soon.

But the commander had no intent to stop anytime soon. Pidge felt invaded and disgusting- and longed to just go home and believe that her family was dead. It would still hurt, but not as badly as this.

He released another round inside of her, and she shrieked at the hard impact he would not stop with. 

Why wouldn’t he just stop.

And with a third round, he removed himself and wiped his dripping member against Pidge’s thigh.

All she could do was whimper.

“I shall see you again tomorrow, former Paladin of Green,” he called, exiting the room.

The second that door closed, Pidge turned her head and vomited on the stone ground.

She could not go through that for one more day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Months later, Pidge is broken. She wishes that she was killed back when the Galra got the information they needed from her.
> 
> But we never really get what we want, do we?
> 
> Team Voltron sets to raid a battle cruiser in the quadrant the Castle is currently residing in.

Pidge was crying. She didn’t know how long she was suspended and just sobbing, but it was long enough for Commander Darox to enter and take her down from her restraints.

He threw her on the cot and Pidge simply curled into herself and weeped.

He slapped her in the back and left the room, leaving her alone in her pained state. 

She did her best to cover up what little dignity she had left. The semen smeared all over her thighs had dried, alongside large smears of blood covering her stomach and dripping down her leg.

She fell asleep and dreamt of what could have been if she just stayed at home and accepted the fact she would be alone.

What could have been if this never happened, if Voltron didn’t exist.

She hated space, she hated aliens. She hated it all. She just wanted to go home and be with her mom, eating ice cream while they laughed at whatever ridiculous television show was currently playing.

But months later, her escape did not seem any more promising.

Commander Darox had managed to break away her walls, and Pidge had never felt so lonely in her entire life.

Pidge wanted her team to come and save her- why hadn’t they even tried to rescue her from where she was trapped?

Could it be that they didn’t care for her anymore? Her heart pounded thinking that she had only been on the team for her experience and knowledge on programming and engineering. By now they had probably forgotten about her and replaced her with the first kid they saw wearing green.

Why did it have to be her?

“My little lioness,” a deep voice called from the main room. Pidge blinked and shook at the nickname, understanding what was coming.

He entered, but when she opened her eyes it never came. She breathed a sigh of relief as she looked at him with her blank eyes.

“Yes, Commander Darox?” She responded in a monotone voice.

Weeks after the incident she had learned not to show any emotion in her voice, otherwise Darox would notice and punish for her showing weakness. He frowned and looked her over.

“Zarkon has summoned me to a cruiser that requires my guidance. You are to join me,” he demanded. She nodded and stood, allowing him to wrap a collar around her neck. She shuddered at the cool touch of the metal and already wanted it off, but she knew it wouldn’t happen until they returned to Central.

He fastened a chain to it and led her towards the docking bay, pulling her into one of the battle cruisers. 

What Pidge hated the most about herself was the fact she obeyed.

She was brought to the pilot’s chambers, and her chain was fastened to one of the bed posts. Darox left the room and Pidge was alone.

She still felt so disgusting, and wanted to just die. The paladins were not coming for her and she did not want to live her life as some Galran’s slave.

They had broken her a few months ago, she spilled all information she knew. But things did not change. Instead of killing her like she wished, they gave her to Commander Darox to live out her life has his slave.

And she hated it so much. 

The ship took off and she was left with an empty feeling in her chest. She observed her surroundings, looking for at least some way to escape and just be free.

She could send a distress beacon to the castle and yell at them for not saving her sooner, but just the thought of being around Shiro or Keith.. or even Hunk scared her.

They were all men, and all men had... that. And she didn’t want that, never. She wanted everything to just stop and she wanted so badly to die.

She choked on a sob and let tears spill down her face. Her hair had grown and was able to tickle the upper half of her back. It was knotted and matted with blood, just like the rest of her body.

Why did it have to be her who went through this pain?

She released another sob, more tears washing away the dirt and grime what was caked against her cheeks. 

Vargas passed and all she could do was sob and shake. Commander Darox entered the room and swiftly pulled down his pants, grabbing the girl and tossing her onto the bed.

“I’ve had a rough day, my little lioness,” he grunted, already beginning. Pidge began to cry harder, she didn’t want this. No matter how often he did this to her she just couldn’t grow to accept it- she did not like this. This was not okay. 

She screamed.

. . . . . .

“Paladins, there is a Galra cruiser in our quadrant. It is piloted by Commander Darox, and the notes on passenger registry state that there is a crew of 60 Galra, 140 sentries, 50 prisoners, and Commander Darox’s... personal slave,” Allura briefed, pausing with disgust at the last registered member.

“So we have to rescue the prisoners, what about the slave?” Keith asked.

“I’m not sure if it means it is Darox’s wife or a prisoner he selected to become his to do his difficult labor work for him. Whoever they are, I believe we should at least attempt to rescue them,” the princess responded.

“Okay so in, save some ladies, and then get out?” Lance winked, and Allura groaned.

“Whatever helps you rest, Lance,” Keith groaned.

“Please, stop bickering. Lance and Hunk, you two will focus on freeing the captives. Shiro, Keith- you will focus on fighting the sentries and soldiers if you come in contact with them,” Allura assigned. “Now, get to your lions! We do not have much time to waste,”

The boys nodded and ran for the Red and Black Lions, so the Galra only expected two paladins. 

Upon entering, Hunk pulled up the map of the ship’s layout. The prisoners were located in the bottom floor, whereas the Commander’s slave was in the pilot quarters on the sixth floor.

“I’ll go for prisoners since my canon can open a bunch of doors quickly- you go for the slave,” Hunk said, quickly running down a hallway that went down to the dungeon. Lance continued to run forwards and up a set of stairs.

He entered a hallway with decorations like swords and morning stars hung up in a showy manner. 

Metal cabinets lined the edge of the halls, with portraits of a large Galra man hoisting a large, crackling, sword with hundreds of different species bowing at his feet.

Lance didn’t like this guy already.

At the end of the hallway there was a large door. There was screaming from inside and then nothing. 

He ducked behind one of the tables as the man depicted in the painting proudly exited the room, his armor embellished with the design for a Commander.

This must have been Commander Darox.

Once he had exited the hall, Lance checked to make sure nobody else was entering. After a few doboshes, he deemed the coast was clear and entered the room at the other end of the looming hallway.

Upon entering, Lance wanted to vomit.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance rescues the girl.

Before him lay a canopied bed. Disheveled sheets were everywhere but on the bed. He swallowed back the growing taste of bile when he noticed the white and red stains smeared over the base sheet of the bed.

His eyes traced back to a naked form, literally shaking from what he assumed was fear.

Her hands were bound behind her back, and a collar that was connected to the bed frame was wrapped around her neck.

It was heartbreaking to say the least. The second he entered the room the girl let our a startled shriek, and Lance’s heart broke further as he watched the girl struggle to hide herself.

She thought that Lance was that horrid monster who had done this to her.

“H-hey,” he gently spoke, placing down his bayard and lifting his hands in the air. “My name is Lance, I’m a paladin of Voltron. I’m here to save you, not hurt you,” he calmly said. His tone was soothing, one of a brother who cared deeply for his family.

The girl’s shoulders hitched at the word ‘Voltron’ and Lance’s heard dropped again. He had no clue how long this poor girl had been here- she could have been told horrible things about Voltron, or she could have given up hope of being saved. Lance didn’t know anything about her.

“I’m going to remove your restraints, if you don’t mind,” he narrated, slowly approaching her. He gently moved her tangled honey hair to the side, and began untying the ropes behind her back.

She showed no signs up protest and Lance wanted to cry. What had this monster done to the poor girl?

His finger accidentally brushed against her skin and she flinched.

“I’m so sorry,” he apologized. The ropes fell to the ground as he finished untying them. He observed the collar and did not see any clasp that would remove it.

“I’m going to have to cut through the collar, but I will not hurt you at all. I’m going to use a very, very, small knife that can burn through metal. It will not touch you, okay?” He explained getting the knife from a holster on his hip. The girl nodded.

He got to work and within a few ticks, the collar was no longer wrapped around her neck. He had yet to even see her face and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to- but if he wanted to get them out he needed to see her and understand her situation.

He looked around the room and found a pile of carelessly tossed garments on the ground. There was a sports bra and some small boxers he assumed belonged to the girl.

He handed them to her and she whimpered.

“Can you get dressed? If we’re going to escape it’ll be really cold with how you are right now,” he tried to suggest.

“E-escape?” The girl asked. Lance couldn’t quite place the voice, but he knew it from somewhere. Her voice was faint, most likely lost from screaming.

He wanted to punch that commander in the face so badly.

He turned away to allow her to get changed, and when he heard a rustling of clothing, he understood that she wished for privacy.

There was a tap at his shoulder so he turned around. He took a quick glance before looking downwards.

The girl was so small.

. . . . . . 

Pidge’s heart beat rapidly the second the door opened- she thought that he had left. Why was he coming back-

But then the voice of a calm boy told her that it was not Darox, but someone else.

And then he had told her that he was a paladin of Voltron.

And after he had freed her and given her the clothes that had been violently ripped away- she was still scared to look him in the eyes.

But she nudged him to signal that she was ready regardless.

. . . . . .

“So we need to get out of here quickly- do you mind if I carry you?” He asked.

The girl’s head hung lower, but she nodded. Lance hoisted up her dangerously light body and flinched as he felt a cold, and sticky substance rob onto his hand.

He turned on his comm link.

“Hey guys? Can someone ready a healing pod? I got the girl from the chambers and she looks like she’ll definitely need one,” he said into the comms.

“Sure thing!” Coran’s cheerful voice replied. He turned them off again and grabbed his bayard, making a run for Red. 

Keith and Shiro had done a great job at holding all of the Galran forces back, because as Lance ran through the hallways, nothing stood in his way.

And with the state the girl was in- he was glad for it.

Red let down her particle barrier for him, and he quickly dashed inside.

He entered one of the rooms in the Lion, and laid the girl down on a cot. She grasped the red blanket and covered herself in it, the fear in her form taking over once again.

Keith soon joined them in the Lion, and headed for the cockpit.

In a few ticks, the lion had launched into space and was on it’s way back to the castle. Once Black had joined them, Lance joined Keith.

“Keith, blow up the ship,” he spoke in a serious tone.

“Lance you said we need a healing pod-“ Keith replied.

“Yeah but I want to kill the Commander on that ship for what he’s done to the poor girl!” He shouted.

Keith sighed and allowed Red to release the magma cannon’s wrath upon the cruiser.

And then it exploded.

. . . . . .

Lance picked up the girl who flinched at the touch- he had forgotten to warn her, shit.

“I’m so sorry, we just got to get you into a healing pod so you can feel better,” he reassured her. She held the blanket tighter and gave a whine of acknowledgement as he brought her out of the lion.

He carefully brought her to the med bay and gently placed her on one of the beds so she could be placed in a healing suit.

“She needs to get changed so we can place her in a healing pod, but she’s really sensitive to touch right now,” he told Allura.

When he looked down at the cot the girl had completely covered herself in the blanket.

He swallowed down more bile.

Allura gently attempted to pull back the blanket, but the girl began to scream.

Allura let go and took a step back.

“We need to get you into a healing suit so you can heal,” Lance warmly spoke.

“N-no..” she gently whispered. “I.. I don’t want that..” 

“I know, I know. But the healing suits cover everything, we won’t be able to see anything you don’t want us to see, okay?” He reassured.

“I know,” was all that she said.

“So can one of us help you into one?” He asked again, his soft and calm voice reassuring to her ears.

“Okay.. but.. only Lance,” she mumbled. The others nodded and promptly left the room. The Cuban collected the smallest size healing suit that he could find and gently let her know that he would be moving the blanket.

Lance nearly dropped the suit when he saw her face. Her eyes were a sunken honey brown. They look as if everything that had once motivated her was taken away.

Blood and dirt was smeared over her cheeks, nose, and forehead. Scratches covered her jaw and neck. But the worst part was that Lance knew this girl.

This was Pidge. 

He choked on a sob and helped her stand. She stepped into the suit and Lance gently zippered the back and led her to the readied pod. He aided her as she stepped inside- and the glass rose.

Her eyes closed and her face almost looked peaceful.

He went into the hallway to let the others know they could come back in.

“So what happened, Lance? What did you find?” Hunk prodded, aware that his friend was troubled.

“I-“ he began. “She.. I walked into the hallway and she was screaming- and then this guy walked out- and then I entered and- Hunk,” he started crying, hugging his friend tightly.

“Hunk she was naked, and crying, and covered in blood and other things, and- and she looked so scared,” he sobbed.

“That’s horrible..” Keith muttered. “But Lance, why are you so upset? We don’t even know who she is yet,” 

Allura had wandered near the pod to try and get a better look at the girl they had just rescued. Her eyes widened and she gasped, alluring the attention of Hunk, Shiro, and Keith.

“It’s..” Shiro began, blinking in utter disbelief.

“-Pidge,” Lance finished.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge recites her past year

The healing pod released a soft hiss as the glass dissipated, allowing the girl inside to crumble into the arms of whoever would catch her.

Hunk outstretched his arms, and Pidge fell into them. She twitched and opened her eyes, immediately trying to get away from him. 

His heart broke when he saw the fear evident in her eyes.

She backed away, flinching again as her back met one of the tall pillars rising to the ceiling.

“H-hey, Pidge, it’s okay-“ Hunk tried to soothe, but she snapped. Without a second thought, she took off running throughout the castle halls. 

She entered the bedroom hall and quickly hid in her old room. But when she entered, she was shocked and angry to see all of her belongings had been cleared out.

Perhaps Haggar was right, they really weren’t looking for her.

When she heard footsteps and the door opening, her head whipped around.

“Pidge,” Lance spoke gently. Her tense shoulders relaxed and she let him enter. He took a seat on the bare bed and patted next to him, signaling for her to sit.

She glared at him and then scoured the room for any restraints, chains, and possible escape routes.

Lance noticed and stood himself, seating himself against the wall opposite to the door.

“Pidge, I’m not going to hurt you. None of us do,” he began. Pidge eased a little bit, sitting next to the door. “I just.. can you tell me what happened to you?” He pleaded. She read the emotions in his eyes. He was sad, worried, and angry.

“W-well,” Pidge coughed, the sound of her voice not screaming or accepting commands feeling foreign on her tongue. 

Lance leaned in, but didn’t press. He understood she needed time to organize her thoughts, especially with how he had found her on that ship.

“When I was first brought in, it was so dark. I had been in the control room with you, and then a druid came and released some knockout gas while my helmet was off,” she began. “As you then could probably guess, the Druids took me to Haggar,” 

Lance desperately wanted to go back in time with this knowledge. If he had only known that body wasn’t Pidge’s, she would have been safe from that monster.

She began to cry.

“I’m- I’m sorry,” she sobbed, curling in on herself. 

“Hey, there’s nothing to be sorry for, Pidgey. Can you talk about what happened next?” He kindly spoke.

She nodded her head and took a deep breath, beginning to fiddle with some of her hair.

“I refused to tell her anything about Voltron. I thought you guys were on your way and that you’d bust her ass but..” she paused. “It hadn’t happened yet. The druids knocked me out and took me to a different part of Central,”

Lance nodded along, tears already pricking behind his eyes. How could he have let her go through this? 

“Then Haggar opened the cell so I made a run for it. It didn’t last long. Then she dragged me away to Central’s Torture Chamber...” her voice caught and Lance quickly rushed to her side, eliciting a slight flinch of fear.

“Can I give you a hug, Pidge?” He asked. She thought on it for a while before nodding her head yes.

“So to get me to tell them where the Castle was, they waterboarded me,” Pidge ducked her head in her knees like she was ashamed of what she had gone through.

Lance gently squeezed in a comforting way, and Pidge’s hand wrapped around Lance’s finger. She squeezed back and allowed more tears to cascade down her dirty face. 

“I- Lance.. they then started asking me what your biggest weakness was,” she sobbed. 

Lance’s heart froze- Pidge hadn’t betrayed them, had she? Of course in the long run everything she had been through was a nightmare but all the paladins had been tortured like that at some point and hadn’t broke.

“Did you.. tell them anything?” He asked wearily. 

“No.. not yet,” she replied. “Anyways, they brought me to this bed thingy and- Lance it hurt so badly-“ her voice cracked at the memory and more tears began to spill.

“They strapped me down and turned it on and just walked away, Lance. It hurt so badly,” she fell into a choking sob.

“Woah, woah, hold up- what exactly did they leave on?” Lance questioned.

Pidge wiped away a few tears before answering.

“They were electrocuting me, Lance. And they left it on while they walked off,” she finished.

Lance’s heart shattered at her words- how dare they have the audacity to do that to Pidge. Lance would make those druids pay for what they’ve done.

“Th-then when I didn’t tell them anything Haggar got Zarkon to pick a Commander that would break me into spilling everything and-“ she cried harder, throwing herself at his chest and hugging him as if she would die if she let go. “And Lance, it worked. I’m so sorry,” she sobbed.

Lance couldn’t help but stroke her back gently, his big brother mode taking over his actions.

“Hermanita, it’ll all be okay. Can you go back a bit and talk about what happened before?” He said with kindness.

“Well they just handed this guy my shackle chain and I didn’t want to go with him. But he took out an electrocution rod and.. I just remembered the previous day and I obeyed like a coward,” she whimpered.

“You’re not a coward, you made it through Pidgey,” he supported, rubbing gentle circles into her back.

“I just.. he brought me to his chambers and threw me into this room in the back. It stunk so bad of... things and there was blood and other substances smeared around the walls and floor,” Pidge sniffed, curling into herself. “About a varga or so later he came in and just..” she paused, taking deep breaths.

“You don’t have to continue if you can’t, Pidge,” Lance reassured. Pidge shook her head.

“No.. I can do it,” she replied. “He stomped on my foot when I tried to escape, and then he put me in some rope harness that made it so I couldn’t move my arms. I was trapped,” 

Lance wished he could have given this.. this gilipolla a more painful death.

“Then he pulled my legs into two handcuffs I thought were for hands but they just left me completely vulnerable- Lance I was so scared,” her grip tightened once more. “Then he.. did it. I screamed so much but he didn’t even react- he didn’t even care- Lance he went for three round without any break- I was bleeding and I felt like my insides were ripped out,” she sobbed.

“You can stop now if you can’t finish,” Lance added again.

“No, no, I can’t just be quiet about this,” the teen replied. “After that he left me suspended overnight. In the morning he slapped me and told me to stop wailing. I was losing hope on being rescued and I just.. I thought you guys didn’t want or need me anymore,” 

“Pidge we will always want you- you’re such an important part of our lives,” Lance frowned, hugging her again.

“A little while after that he brought me out of the room and let the druids torture me again. I didn’t break that time but I was so close to- they pumped air into my lungs and wouldn’t stop and I thought I was going to explode,” she sighed. “From the on they only brought me in and did things to me once a week,”

“Oh, Pidge-“ Was all he was able to say. He mentally kicked himself for giving up on her.

“But even though they only brought me to the druids once a week, that didn’t stop Darox from hurting me between that.. aside from well- the other thing, he would suspend my arms above me and leave me there for days, or he would push my head underwater for long periods of time... there’s a lot more I’m not sure I can even describe or talk about,” Pidge frowned, leaning into Lance.

“Pidge I’m... I don’t even know what I can do to help- I just-“ Lance was cut off by Pidge.

“I’m not done yet,” she said. “I don’t even know how long this went on for- but I broke. I couldn’t take it anymore. When I was brought in for questioning I obeyed- even though I didn’t want to. I thought that they’d kill me right then and there, and I’d finally just be free..” Pidge trailed off.

“You.. you told them our weaknesses?” Lance attempted to clarify.

“I’m- I’m sorry,” she cried, distancing herself from Lance. “I know it was selfish but I just couldn’t take it anymore!” She yelled.

Lance didn’t even know what to say. He understood Pidge went through horrible things, and he was impressed she had made it that far before slipping information. 

“But they didn’t kill me- they decided to give me to Darox as some reward for getting the info they needed. I wanted to kill myself right then and there- I tried so hard, Lance. I tried wrapping the chains around my neck- I tried jumping off of a ship- but nothing ever worked,” She whispered, once again allowing shame to creep into her tone.

“Weeks passed of this until you guys found me, and I was.. I was so angry it had taken you this long to find me. I was right where you left me so often yet you never bothered to help me, never. I was trapped in that situation and none of you even.. did you ever think I could have used your help after I was missing for a week? A month?” Pidge shakily stood.

“Pidge-“ Lance began

“No!” She shrieked. She looked around her room. “Did you think you could just get rid of me? Is that why you got rid of all my belongings?” 

“No- Pidge!” Lance raised his voice.

“Did you think that I could just die and you’d be free? Well I’m sorry for being such a burden!” She yelled defensively.

“Pidge! Just listen to me!” Lance hollered in response. She reached for the door, and Lance grabbed her arm.

Big mistake.

Her eyes bore at him with fear written all over his expression, and she began to shake and freeze up.

“Pidge, we thought you died. But.. now we know the body we buried wasn’t yours,” Lance spoke.

“What,” came her reply.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance helps Pidge out a bit.

“What?” Pidge stopped in her tracks, turning to look at Lance. “What do you mean that you buried my body, I was never away from Darox since he got me,” Pidge spat, refusing to believe what he had told her.

“I don’t know, Pidge,” the blue paladin sighed. “Once the smoke cleared after the explosion, you were there and Pidge-“

She took a step away from the door, looking into his eyes.

“Pidge your body was laying there,” he wanted to cry. “And you were impaled, right through the heart. You had no pulse or heartbeat and- there was so much blood,” 

“But.. but I woke up with the druids,” Pidge stated. “This isn’t adding up, Lance,”

“What isn’t adding up was how you lived- if you really woke up with the druids, which you must have had to- it was after we buried you and.. I don’t know,” Lance rubbed his nose. “But this entire time we thought you died,”

“I.. Lance I woke up on the same day, my watch was placing it just about a varga after the mission went awry,” she said.

“Then whose body did we bury,” Lance whispered. 

Without warning, Pidge dropped to her knees and began crying, causing more tear streaks on her already grimey face. 

“Pidge, we should get you cleaned up- when was the last time you showered?” Lance tried to joke.

“By shower if you mean got wet, than it was only my head being dunked underwater a few deca-phoebs ago,” she answered, beginning to sink deeper into her consciousnesses as if it was as deep as the Earth’s oceans.

“Pidge.. we should wash you, especially.. there,” he didn’t want to clarify where he meant, but Pidge had caught on.

“N-no, I don’t want to feel anything touching there ever again,” she shuddered, most likely at the thoughts of the torture she endured.

“Pidge, he’s wiped things all over you, especially there... we should get that off of you,” he pleaded, his heart clenching at the emptiness in her gaze.

“I.. I don’t know, Lance,” she teared up. “P-promise you won’t do anything?” 

“Pidge, I would never do anything like that to you- you’re like my little sister,” he cried.

“Promise me!” She stood, letting another wave of sobs wrack her body.

“I promise,” he calmly nodded, which helped her tense shoulders ease ever so slightly.

“O-okay,” she mumbled, looking around the room for any clothes she could wear. But of course, the room was empty. “Where did you put all my stuff..?” She asked.

“We put it in storage to give to your mom when we get back to Earth,” Lance responded, already exiting the room to collect some comfortable clothes for her. “Anything specific you want?” 

“Can I get my sweatpants and my green hoodie? The one with a hood,” she asked, sitting the bed. She once again eyed her surroundings, deeming it safe.

Lance nodded and exited the room. Once the door closed he could feel his strength unravel. He wanted to sob- his friend had gone through that horrible situation and he just.. he did nothing. They should have gone back to Central Command and looked for any sign she was alive.

But they didn’t, and now she was terrified of nearly everything. She was scared of touch, she was scared of Hunk, and she was scared to be with somebody in a bedroom.

It was horrible. 

Hunk was in the kitchen when he walked by. The larger boy noticed and promptly ran up to Lance.

“What happened? Is she okay?” Hunk asked, fear and concern slipping into his tone unknowingly.

“Yeah, man. I just- she went through so much that I just wish we went back with that stubborn hope she was okay,” Lance sighed. “Like.. I told her we should wash her, and then I asked when the last time she had a shower was,”

“And..?” Hunk asked, his pace slowing down. Lance stopped a few feet in front of him and looked him in the eye.

“She said she hadn’t ever been bathed, but her head got wet often when that monster would hold it underwater,” Lance spat with anger creeping under his tongue.

“And then what happened?” Hunk asked, listening with sad ears.

“She started crying, man. She said she never wanted to feel anything touching her around there again,” Lance sniffed. Hunk’s eyes began to tear as he hugged his friend. “And then she made me promise not to do anything to her- Hunk she looked so scared,” 

“If anybody can help her get through this, it’s you man,” Hunk cried, squeezing Lance tightly.

“I’m going to the storage room to get her some more covering clothes and then we’re heading to the baths,” Lance told Hunk. The yellow paladin nodded and headed back to the kitchen, allowing Lance to finish what he had started.

He entered the storage room and dug through a few boxes before finding the one full of Pidge’s clothes. He grabbed the sweatpants, hoodie, and also grabbed her binder and boxers, hoping that it could help her feel better.

Once entering her former room, he found her curled up against the far wall’s corner, shaking in the cold. The healing pod suits didn’t insulate any heat, and as the room was abandoned they hadn’t bothered to use energy on heating it.

“Are you ready to go to the baths?” Lance asked, showing her that he had everything she asked for. She took a breath and nodded, climbing to her feet. 

She wearily followed him, every few feet she would pause to make sure he wasn’t leading her somewhere otherwise than the baths. Once they neared the door, Keith was exiting.

He wore his swimsuit with a towel hung around his neck. 

“Hey,” was all that he muttered, giving a wave in their direction. Pidge’s eyes widened and she grabbed Lance’s wrist. Keith noticed and raised an eyebrow. “Is.. something wrong?” 

“Yeah Keith, your nipples are lopsided and you’re clearly gay,” Lance playfully teased, also attempting to easy Pidge a bit more by suggesting he didn’t even have any intent in girls.

“Gee, thanks,” Keith sighed. He walked in the opposite direction, and Pidge let out a breath she had been holding in. 

They entered the room, and Lance clicked the lock, alerting Pidge. Lance picked up on her tensing muscles.

“It’s locked from the inside, if you need to get out, you can. But this way nobody else can get in,” Lance explained. The girl nodded and took a seat on a stool.

“Can you... turn around,” Pidge whispered, her head hanging low. Lance gave an affirmative ‘okay’ and faced the wall.

Pidge peeled off the healing suit, the stench of coppery blood, dirt, and mixed substances hitting her nose. She made a gagging sound, which caused Lance to turn in concern.

Their eyes met and she whimpered, turning away and curling into a ball on the ground.

“Pidge! I’m so sorry I thought you were getting sick and my brother instincts kicked in- I’m so sorry,” he apologized, turning back to the door. “Can you climb into the water and fill it with bubbles..?”

He heard a splash that let him know she was now in the tub, and then a few ticks later she called for him.

He turned and walked over, picking up a soap bar and brush. 

“Do you want me to?” Lance asked. Pidge thought about it before nodding. “I’m going to try and get the worst done first so the rest doesn’t feel as bad, okay?” 

Pidge hummed in response, allowing Lance to kneel next to her and begin scrubbing her shins and feet. She whimpered ever so slightly as he began scrubbing away the blood and grime that was recklessly smeared on her thighs. 

Once he had finished on the area, he scrubbed her back and stomach, handing her the brush to scrub her own chest. She accepted and turned her back to Lance, carefully cleaning away the blood.

Lance grabbed one of his exfoliating towels, dampening it and putting on a moisturizing soap. He gently cleaned her face, every now and then giving her a break to rub some water on her pale skin. 

Her hair was much longer than it had been a year ago. It would probably be longer than it appeared once it was untangled.

The bathwater was already a muddy red color, so Lance decided to turn on the shower head to clean her hair.

“Okay Pidge, I’m gonna do your hair now so you can relax a bit,” he narrated, wetting the hair and massaging shampoo into the bloodied parts. The blood washed away under the gentle rainfall the shower head provided, and he added some conditioner and worked on getting out the knots. Picking up a comb, he gently sorted her hair into sections and slowly combed through them. 

He washed out the conditioner, and gave her hair a final brush before turning towards the wall. He laid a folded towel next to the bath.

“Okay, I’m going to go into one of the stalls so you can rinse yourself because you’ve been sitting in the dirty water. Your clothes are on the stool over there,” he pointed towards a white seat near the sink. “You can knock if you need me,”

Pidge nodded, and Lance entered the stall, locking it. 

. . . . . .

Pidge didn’t want to admit it, but she felt so weak and vulnerable. She couldn’t even get clean without wanting to cry. The second Lance closed the stall door, she stood and let the rain pour over her shoulders.

She looked down and saw how long her hair had truly grown. She took a deep breath, and drained the tub, wrapping the towel tightly around herself.

Pidge dried off and slipped on the boxers, letting a smile slip onto her face when she saw the binder neatly placed underneath the hoodie. She pulled it on, tightening the clasps until her chest was as flat as it could be to her satisfaction.

She tossed on the sweatpants and hoodie a little bit after, smiling when she couldn’t feel the clumping of unwanted substances against her leg or face.

“Okay,” she called, signaling for Lance to exit from the stall. He slowly approached her, picking up the towel.

With delicacy, he patted down her hair to prevent it from soaking the hood. 

Pidge’s joy was only temporary, as all things were. She felt a wrack of sobs tumbling through her body, and she jumped onto Lance for comfort.

He hugged her back, carrying her bridal style back to her room. He put her on the bed, heading to storage to grab her blankets.

“How is she?” Shiro asked, approaching Lance as he closed the door to the storage room.

“She’s still really scared and sensitive, but if we give her time she’ll hopefully loosen up a bit,” Lance replied.

“I just hope she can feel safe again,” the black paladin sighed.

“Me too,” the Cuban nodded, continuing his walk to her room.

Upon entering, Pidge was curled into herself, and he placed the blanket over her small form, ruffling her curling hair.

“Don’t keep the binder on for too long,” he whispered, turning off the light and leaving the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay!! I just want to clarify something because logic says Pidge would probably be pregnant so 
> 
> In my personal opinion, the Galra species is more advanced, so their women can accept cross-specie breeding (thus how Keith could be born)
> 
> But Pidge is human, and they’re only compatible with other humans, so Pidge can’t get pregnant.
> 
> Bam, fanfiction logic


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge has a panic attack

Everything was dark. Pidge shuddered and took a look at her surroundings. In the distance she could see light, a warm and welcoming bask of yellow.

She approached.

The light lost it’s appeal and suddenly it was raining, a vile scent surrounded her and she coughed.

Pain began to pulse from her throat and she coughed until she could see blood in her palms. She blinked.

Again, and again.

Until all she could see was the eerily clean room where she had fallen asleep the past night. She shifted uncomfortably beneath the covers, struggling to take small breaths.

Her chest heaved and she stumbled out of bed, falling to the ground. She looked up to see the darkened chambers where she had been held.

She needed to throw up, but she was frozen. Her breath hitched and she scrunched her eyes shut.

When she opened them she was back in her room. The clean, empty, room. She stumbled into the bathroom, wincing at how obnoxiously loud the door was she looked at herself in the mirror.

She hated it, she hated herself, she picked up a pair of scissors, and fell into a fit of sobs and hitched breaths.

She was no fool, she knew this was a panic attack. She had done enough research and had seen Shiro fall through them. But it didn’t stop her chest from tightly grasping her throat, making it harder to breathe.

Everything was so hard and took so much energy, she thought that she was going to die from the pain. She felt a burn envelop her body and she screamed, hitting her head against the side of the counter.

“Stop, stop, please stop- just- no-“ her words garbled and she coughed, struggling to stand through the growing pain and fears threatening to pull her beneath the shattering foundation that was her sanity.

She picked up the scissors again, and hacked away at her hair, letting the honey locks fall to the ground.

She wanted things back to how they once were.

She ran her fingers through her short hair now, looking into the mirror. She still couldn’t see herself, she didn’t know who she was anymore.

Another round of sobs and caught breaths tore through her mouth, and she howled in agony once again.

The buzz of the lights, they were too loud, too foggy. The running water was-

She wasn’t in the bathroom anymore, she was strapped down to a board with that cloth covering her face.

She was spasming.

. . . . . .

Lance was barely asleep, he was just across the hall from Pidge, and he made sure his door stayed open if Pidge got scared and needed him.

Screams suddenly echoed from her room, and he had never acted so fast.

He tossed the blue blanket to the ground, not caring to slip into the Blue Lion slippers he had found. With a horrified look, he dashed out of his room, and into Pidge’s.

Upon entering, her bed was empty. A glance to the side showed that the bathroom light was on.

There was a holler, followed by sobs. He busted into the bathroom to find her crying and shaking on the ground.

“Pidge-“ He called, kneeling at her side. He brought her into his arms, but she started kicking and struggling to get away.

“Get- stop- no! Stop-“ she screamed, her kicks growing weaker. “Fuck!! I- no! Stop-“ she wretched and cried.

“Oh my god, Pidge-“ Hunk spoke. Lance looked and saw that he, Keith and Shiro had also heard the echoing wails and came to the aid of their green paladin.

“Lance, get off her,” Shiro spoke, and the Cuban obeyed, slipping away from her shaking body and scooting towards the far wall.

“No...nono...no,” she whispered, shaking and inhaling trembling breaths. 

“Katie,” Shiro soothed, sitting a fair distance from her form. Her body curled in on itself, and Lance felt tears slip through his walls. “Katie, just take deep breaths, okay?”

He received no response.

. . . . . .

Stop, stop stop stop, stop. 

She was shaking and it hurt and she wanted this torture to end. She heard the door open, it was too loud. It hurt her head.

Not that she could even coherently think anyways. Her head was swimming through a dark fog and she was scared of what was on the other side of it.

Hands had grabbed at her and she screamed and fought, but in the end, she was too weak.

The door opened again and it was even louder, footsteps thundered, pounding against her scalp.

“Katie,” a voice taunted. Goosebumps rose on her skin, and she shifted uncomfortably, shrinking under. She didn’t like this, this isn’t okay, no, she did not want this.

Stop.

Please just stop.

“Katie, just take deep breaths, okay?” It called again. She scrunched her nose in disgust and screamed, fighting as if something- someone were holding her down.

But nobody was.

But it felt that way.

Think, think think think- Pidge opened her eyes and saw broad shoulders. Shiro?

She blinked and those eyes were replaced by a merciless yellow, and she screamed again, kicking and shaking.

She heard a soft melody.

And she recognized it.

It was calm and soothing and she relaxed ever so slightly, slumping sluggishly and focusing on breathing.

Breathe, breathe breathe breathe-

“I just want you to stay,” the voice calmly spoke. It began to hum.

“..s-stay, stay, stay with me,” Pidge whispered, finishing the verse. When she opened the eyes she saw Keith, where Shiro had just been squatting.

The team’s eyes were wide in shock- and Pidge could only cry.

“Can I hug you...?” Keith asked awkwardly. Through choked sobs, Pidge nodded with hesitation.

Keith wouldn’t hurt her.

Keith was her brother, just like the rest of them.

. . . . . .

Pidge sat in the shower, eyes glazed over as she stared at the mirror.

It fogged; but she could make out messy honey locks sprawled against her face. 

She didn’t like it.

The water hit her back, and she tensed with every memory during her imprisonment rising to the surface of her mind.

Clean, she needed to get clean. She picked up an exfoliating sponge and scrubbed.

She scrubbed until it hurt, and when it did she moved to somewhere else.

Clean, she just needed to be clean-

But it wasn’t enough. 

Pidge’s skin was raw and pink, stinging at the touch of her hand. She choked, and picked up the scissors, staring at them and then at the mirror.

She needed something new.

. . . . . .

The last thing Lance expected was for Pidge to be knocking at his door at the space equivalent of four a.m, but he didn’t care. Pidge’s hair was wet and he noticed how raw her arms looked in that tank top.

He sighed, and let her in, making sure the door stayed open so she didn’t feel threatened.

“What is it, Pidgey?” He kindly asked, ocean eyes meeting hers- and he twitched with a smile as a glint shone in hers.

“I want a new hair style,” she muttered. “Please,” she added.

“Of course! I know just the thing,” he beamed, letting Pidge lead the way into his bathroom. Unlike hers, Lance’s had beauty products neatly organized on the counter.

Pidge sat in a barstool, and Lance combed through her damp hair. He rubbed in an Altean conditioner, which surprisingly didn’t need to be rinsed out.

He parted her hair down the middle, and picked up an electric razor. Gently, he shaved half of her head, and gave her an undercut in the shape of a “V”.

The remaining hair, Lance coated in an Altean perming solution, gently brushing through. He picked up a towel, patting her hair dry.

When Pidge looked in the mirror, she saw herself.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge takes her time

A few weeks had passed since her panic attack, and Pidge slowly regained her control. She warmed up to Lance and Keith first, then Allura. I had taken time but she finally let Hunk hug her and they’d been able to spend a few hours in the lab working on projects.

The only person left was Shiro, and Pidge didn’t know how to feel towards him.

The first issue was his arm. It was Galran, and lit up with the shade of purple she had grown to hate with a burning passion.

The second issue was his eyes.

Pidge knew it was illogical but that steel gray was so.. cold. It felt distant and disorienting, and she didn’t like it.

At least he was kind and understanding enough to give her space.

“Pidge!” Keith called, knocking on her door. Her head snapped out of the thoughts she was drifting into, and turned to face the red paladin.

“Yeah? What’s up?” She asked, tilting her head in curiosity.

“Hunk can’t read Altean, and Allura is busy, and Coran is out with the Olkari-“ he breathed. “And I think he just poured the Altean equivalent to whiskey into some cookies. A lot of it,” 

“Some adults are gonna be loosening up tonight!” She joked, getting up from her seat. “Yeah, I’ll be right over,” she added.

True to her word, Pidge arrived in the kitchen and picked up the bottle, brows furrowing as she read the label.

“Pyögæço?” She spoke in the alien tongue. Allura had been returning from working on ships with Lotor, and had been walking by the kitchen as Pidge read the label.

“Why are you drinking pyögæço, it’s very... alcoholic? Is that how you humans describe it?” She spoke.

“We gettin’ tipsy!” Pidge cheered, causing the room to erupt into laughter.

. . . . . .

Shiro sighed, looking out into the vast depth of space. Pidge had gained back her trust in the team- but she still didn’t trust him.

He swore to her brother that he’d protect her, but here he was. He had failed.

Soft footsteps brought him out of his trance, and he turned to see Pidge herself, shifting uncomfortably and refusing to look him in the eyes. He bit his tongue.

“Shiro..” she began, fiddling with her hands. “I- I’m sorry- I know it’s so, stupid to be scared of you I just- I don’t know. I hate not knowing. You’re like.. my second father,” she paused. “I really.. I really want to trust you but my brain keeps screaming at me to run- run as fast as I can,”

“Pidge,” he gently spoke. “Take all the time you need, nobody expects you to be perfectly fine, nobody expects things to go back to normal,” 

“I- thank you,” she cried, with hesitation she slowly stepped towards Shiro. He lifted his arms up, and she hugged him.

He patted her with his human arm, making sure the Galra one was as far away as he could manage.

“Thanks, Space Dad,” she chuckled through a few choked sobs.

“Anytime, Katie,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And.. that’s a wrap
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me! Drop some kudos or a comment, and be on the lookout for my new Pidge-centric fic that will be uploaded anytime within the next few weeks. 
> 
> It’s been an honor flying with ya’ll


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